Do you Trust ME??? Pt. 1

And he is gone. Flew away HOME. The most precious moment of my life. Heaven's gate opened and welcomed my love.

And now GOD is yet asking me "Do you trust me?" and truthfully I can say "Yes, completely, wholeheartedly and without question!" Over the past 3 years He has proven to be trustworthy and faithful. When I doubt, and I do, He shows up. BIG TIME. EVERY TIME. ON TIME!!!

He calmed my fears. Every day I woke up fearful. Fearful Kevin wouldn't be breathing. Fearful I wasn't strong enough for this. Fearful that something would happen to me and then what would happen to Kevin. Fear is a constant companion for caregivers. My companion woke up with me and would run quickly when GOD said " You have not been given a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind." (Now many will debate the sound mind, but that is another discussion for another day.)

Tired became my new mantra. Nobody sleeps in the Connell Household. But when tired took over, God strengthened me by reminding me "Do not be weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap, if we faint not" (We will discuss the reaping another day.)

Loneliness came to visit every once in a while, usually when I was exhausted and afraid. It is possible to be lonely in a room full of people. Mourning the active life we had before ALS invaded, I found loneliness was not the most welcome visitor to my house. On the days when Loneliness came, GOD made sure I remembered that Job's friends were not mine. Our family and friends would show up and usher out the lonely feelings with their loving kindness. " A man who has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." We have many friends who have become family!

We do have an enemy and we can fight him with our own strength or borrow GOD's. I am a great borrower. But I am a better fighter. I am strong and confident in who I am and Whose I am. Always have been. But the moral of the story is that every strong confident person has moments when they are weak and unsure. It is during those moments that we need even MORE of HIM. Turning to my Father is natural and easy, as it should be. I trust He will be there. I trust HIM.