Half Way There

Nehemiah 4:6  So, we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their might.

What if God stopped half-way? Just decided, "I've worked hard enough" and just quit? 
 Let's see? 

Genesis 1:3-13 tells the story of the first few days of Creation.
     Day 1 - God made the light. Day and Night
     Day 2 - God made the water and put the sky in between.
     Day 3 - God made the land, seas and vegetation.

That's it. Finished.
    No stars, no sun, no moon.
    No animals
    No man
    No us!

Genesis 6:3 - Then the Lord said, "My spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."

If we are only given 120 years, do we stop half way? If we are close (I am closer than I want to admit) to 60, have we quit already?
How many Christians have we seen quit the faith? This salvation is not for the weak.

God has given us specific instructions

1. Be courageous

Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

     He tells us what to do and how to do it.
     He tells Joshua 5 times to be courageous! 5 TIMES!
        Joshua 1:6                         Joshua 1:7
        Joshua 1:9                         Joshua 1:18
        Joshua 10: 25

     Does God have  to tell us 5 times to do a thing?

    I like what David tells Solomon. 

1 Chronicles 28:20 - David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.

     We should make it the theme of our life. At the end of our life, let them say of us - 

2 Chronicles 17:6 - Her heart was devoted to the ways of the Lord.

2. Be Bold

Proverbs 28:1 - The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

This is not my issue. I've learned to live my life boldly! But, I've also learned to think and be sure before I act.

Proverbs 21:29 - The wicked put up a bold front, but the upright give thought to their ways.

     we can't just run to do the thing God has called us to do.
     we have to take time to consider HOW God has called us to do a thing.
     Time and Godly counsel are wise.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us therefore come boldly unto the Throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy,, and find grace to help in time of need.

     We need God's grace all the time.
     Notice the name of the Throne - we can call on the Throne for what we need.

4. Be loving

Hebrews 13:1 (NIV) - Keep on loving one another as brothers  and sisters.

John 13:34 - A new command I give you: Love one  another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

     We don't have a choice. He has commanded us! 
         all the time
         everyone

     Sometimes it's okay to love from a distance, but don't let anger and stubbornness keep you from being loving.

If we at (almost 60) are half way  - 
     DON'T QUIT
     DON'T STOP
     DON'T GIVE UP BECAUSE IT'S HARD

1. We are in a race
  

Acts 20:24 - However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

Galations 5:7 - You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?

     Who's in your way?
     Why did you let them stop you? Step over them and keep running your race!

2. Keep Building the wall
     Keep doing what GOD has called you to do. Keep building and doing the work! 

Nehemiah 4:15 - When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to our own work.

     We each have our own work for the Kingdom. 
     Satan will always try to keep us from finishing. 
     We have to trust GOD to fight for us. 

3. Keep Hoping

     Remember the faith you have in Jesus. 
     Being optimistic gives us hope. 

Psalm 25:21 - May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You.

2 Corinthians 3:12 - Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.

1 Timothy 4:10 - That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.

4. Keep Trusting

Psalm 13:5 - But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

     We have gone over and over that we trust in our God.
     We know how to  do it, we just have to do it!

Now, since we don't serve a half-way God, we don't quit half-way.

Finish what you've started and then rest.

Homework: 
    Find one thing that you have left undone - 

               FINISH IT!

For me, this is what I quit doing. So, here we go again. 

The Power of the Right Foot

It has been a difficult few days as I wrestle with my beliefs.

On Thursday, John McKnight was shot in a road rage incident. The shooter was a white man and the victim was not. The shooter was held overnight and then released. How could this be?

See Nola.com article here

On the day following the shooting, a group of Pastors called for patience and for peace to reign as the information was found as the investigation continued.

Watch video of Pastors

This is where I got into some mild trouble. But the trouble was within my own heart.

While I appreciate the call for peace and that the Pastors took leadership, which they should. How could I expect peace to reign when my own heart was so troubled? It seemed that in the past with the shootings that have occurred, I could ignore it and just move on with my life as if it didn't effect me.

It bothered me that some of my friends were detained for driving while black. It bothered me that there was a war on Police and they were being targeted, as my son is one of them. It concerned me that my Spiritual family were afraid to let their son drive anywhere, It concerned me that I saw some of my Dominican Sisters fearful for their children because of the color of their skin. I LOVE THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN, and I love them. But none of that seemed to cause a disruption of my life. I am truly sorry to all of them and I hope and pray they will forgive me for being not just ambivalent, but being ignorant.

It would seem on the surface a case of road rage gone bad. I have talked to people I trust about this. I talked to a friend who is a Police Officer. I talked to men and women who are smarter than me. And still I am unsettled. After  prayer and waiting to formulate an fair opinion, I have this to say.

WHY DIDN'T HE DRIVE AWAY????

Yes, by extension, our car should provide us with the same safety we feel in our home. If Mr. Gasser was so afraid for his life, why not use the POWER OF HIS RIGHT FOOT INSTEAD OF HIS TRIGGER FINGER???? He was in his car, a 2,000 pound weapon. He could have driven away. Why pull his gun and fire it? Mr. McKnight was outside of the car. DRIVE AWAY!!! Drive to the police station and file a police report!

And yet, Mr. Gasser fired his weapon and killed a man why by some accounts was an exceptional man. But even an exceptional man can have a moment of irrational behavior. But he absolutely did not deserve to die for a moment of irrational behavior.

But I think that has enraged me, confused me, and now has forced me to come out of my self imposed silence is the injustice that has come about from the Police Department.

WHY HAS MR GASSER NOT BEEN ARRESTED?

If he was a black man, he would have been detained with no bail. He would still be held, his family coming to visit him when they could. 3 hots and a cot. But Mr. Gasser, a white man with a history of road rage incidents, is home. Resting in his comfortable bed, eating with his family and watching Monday Night Football.

I can't accept this one. I'll admit I am struggling. I can't justify this clear and blatant racist decision.

Who can explain this one to me? How can this make sense? Where is the outrage from other white, republican, conservative Christians like me? How can we call for justice anywhere when this injustice is reigning in our front yard?

To my friends of color, my Spiritual Family, my sisters of the Skirt, I am asking for your forgiveness. I am relying on you to help be be better so I can do better. Help me speak louder! Help me pray harder! Help me be peaceful in my protest! Help me love you as I love myself! But in all things, help me understand or at least explain how this happens everyday. Use small words and gentle voices!

He is hovering

I found this beginning of a new blog in my saved files and find this somehow appropriate today after the devastation in South Carolina.

"How I love God's word for us....sometimes I just giggle reading it. So here we go...

Genesis 1:2 says...Now, the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Could you imagine? How hilarious is that? The idea of the Holy Spirit of GOD hovering anywhere makes me laugh."

Today, I am not giggling. Today, I find myself on the edge of tears for this strong, lovely, historic city of Charleston. What a heritage of love and grace we see being lived out. Men and women of GOD were murdered in the LORD's house. The true legacy of their dedication to GOD is being shown in the gathering of churches to pray, not to get angry, TO PRAY!

Have we let the Spirit of GOD hover too long over the chaos of our country? When will we ask HIM to engage with us again?

When we are afraid to say the name of Jesus and proclaim HIS goodness, we relegate HIM to hovering over the chaos and formlessness of our lives, individual and corporate. That formlessness and emptiness becomes dark and scary.

Hate rules and shows itself in those who would have a stone for a heart.  We see hate become a live and slithering snake awakening true evil in the hearts of men and women. Disrespect and hate for authority becomes the norm. Where has the kindness and peacefulness gone?

It is hovering. Waiting for an invitation to come join with us again. Come SPIRIT of GOD! Breathe on us again. Bring LIGHT! Bring birth! Bring  LOVE back to our communities and to our Nation. That we would be ONE NATION UNDER GOD again. Don't hover over the deep, run in and splash YOUR LOVE over us that we may be washed in your peace today.

One & Done

          Gen 2:7 God formed man from the earth in His own image.   He breathed into the man, filling him with the Spirit of God,  and he became alive.

There is so much in that verse.
God formed man. Everything else on the earth and under the water was spoken into being. But, with His hands He formed a  completely whole man, perfect within himself.  He created him male AND female. He safely put the woman inside the man. All of her emotions, spirit and hormones were inside of him. He was complete. But lonely. 
When GOD breathed into him, He breathed into the woman!

 

               Gen 2:20 ....But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

The breath of God filled him. The Holy Spirit came to live inside of the man and revealed all of God to him. He walked and talked with God in such an intimate way from the very beginning. 
And he became alive,  and so did she .
We only become truly alive once we accept God as our Lord and Jesus as our Savior. Compare your life before and see that now you are truly alive and your life before was a pale imitation of what we know as living.

 

             Gen 2:21-23
         And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

God removed the rib and flesh surrounding it and formed the woman. By doing that God created an emotional, physical and spiritual desire for the woman.

1. Physical

God removed the rib and surrounding flesh from Adam and made this woman for Adam. She was made FOR him, she was his GIFT from God. Adam had a physical ache for her, she had his rib inside of her. Amputees all talk about the phantom pain they have for the part of their body that is missing.  They can actually still feel like their limb is still attached, although it is not. it is a real physical need to be joined back with with the woman. Ok, so let him visit his rib. Start slowly if you have to. Hold hands for 10 minutes. Intimacy is what you make it. Be soft and welcoming. 

2. Emotional
God removed all of the woman's emotions out of the man. He was used to feeling our emotions. The highs and lows, the joy and sadness. Everything. Now, he doesn't know how to feel. He needs us to remind him how to feel. When we are emotional, he feels frustrated because he cannot feel that anymore. So when you cry, his immediate response is confusion. Usually the first question he will ask is (say it with me..) "Why are you crying?" Because he loves you, he wants to fix whatever is making you cry. He goes into work mode and makes a plan in his head so you will stop crying. Poor guy. It's ok to tell him to just listen, not to try to fix things.

3. Spiritual
We understand the desire of the Holy Spirit to be one with us. We know how He feels as He longs to live inside of us. We lived inside of Adam so we get it. Because of this understanding,  we are more open to what He is saying. But, trust me on this, once the man welcomes the Holy Spirit and he is filled, he will rise up and take his rightful place as head of the household and spiritual priest of the family. What a joy to watch God be the driving force in your husband and family.

What do we do with this information?
1. Nurture the emotions of your husband. Allow his to express his joy, fears, sadness with a willingness to engage with him. Be the one place where he is free to just be.
2. Hold hands for 10 minutes a day. 
      Have a 20minute rule. let him have 20 minutes to decompress from his day before you and the kids attack him with the events of your day.
       Be close. Change your seat at the dinner table, sit next to him. 
       The best gift you will ever give to your children is to be and stay happily married to their dad.
3. Pray together. Encourage him to pray over you and with you. Let his sweet prayer be the last thing you hear before you go to sleep.
4. Ask God to help you see your husband as GOD sees him. Ask Him to bring you back to the time when you couldn't go one hour without talking to your husband. Renew the desire in your marriage.

It is Finished....

I promised I would write this story and here it goes.

     On March 8^th, after 9 days in the hospital it became glaringly clear to everyone that Kevin’s body was failing him. His diaphragm had stopped working, causing his lungs to continue to fill with fluid. He had fought the good fight and now was ready to WIN his battle with ALS and steal the defeat from the hands of our enemy. I told his doctor that we would discuss Kevin’s options in the morning, and that one more night of sedation would be ok. He agreed and we would meet again in the morning.
     On March 9^th, I met the doctor at Kevin’s ICU room and we lifted the sedation and had the hardest conversation I would ever have with my husband. But his smile and his joy could not be contained. He was ready. He looked at me with those big blue eyes and said, “Let me go. I am ready and I am tired.” Of course, I would do what he asked. Now to set in motion what he dreamed. I knew what he wanted, we had discussed it.
     Very early in this journey, we were assured that he would not be healed on this earth and we were ok with that. We knew Kevin’s purpose and God’s will for Kevin’s life. We picked up that cross and ran with it. How many times in your life will you know for certain that you are right in the center of GOD’s will for your life? We knew and we were so determined that we would continue on this road with joy and peace.
    One of the things we did was plan Kevin’s last days and his funeral. (The fart machine was a late entry in the planning, but a funny one.) He knew exactly who he wanted to be there, and how he wanted everything to happen. I was the one who would make it happen according to plan, and with my trusty phone and lots of tears, I did what he asked. I sat on the porch at the hospital and made those phone calls and gathered our family. ALL OF OUR FAMILY! Some couldn’t make it, but those who didn’t already knew how he felt about them, and they knew how much he loved them. I missed seeing their faces, but I knew their hearts were with me and Kevin.
     I am still in awe of my church family. With one phone call, my Pastor Jacob Aranza made the cabins available for my family coming in from out of town. I knew they would be taken care of by my church, and I was both proud and grateful. There are no greater friends (now family) than my church members. We have walked a hard road together this year, but I wouldn’t want to hold any other hands than yours. My OSC family is the best!
     On March 10^th, Kevin’s birthday, we CELEBRATED!!! Everyone had arrived but Kyle & Eden, who were still driving. I made a HUGE pot of Gumbo and we fed the whole waiting area, Nurse’s station and all 60 people who showed up to celebrate Kevin! Of course we were loud, we ARE loud. We took over the place, apologetically. We loved and laughed and teased and giggled our way through the day. It was perfect.  At the end of the day, I saw the love and joy shining in his eyes and knew we had done the good thing. We gave him permission to leave us, knowing we would be together and loving each other like he loved us.
      We went to dinner that night and I had a little freak out, I had to know that I was doing what he wanted. I went back to the hospital and selfishly woke him up and asked him. He rolled his eyes and said “Really, Gina? Do you have to ask me that?” I laid my head on his chest and cried. It really was the only time I questioned what he wanted. And I knew it was foolish, but sometimes I am foolish. I was better after I saw him and talked to him again.
     On March 11^th, it dawned a beautiful day. I was ready and strong. I felt God’s hand on me and knew HE was with me. I walked into Kevin’s room to see my beautiful, strong husband smiling and flirting with the nurse and blowing kisses to me. I repeated his words to me “Really, Connell????” and he replied, “It is a great day to go home!” I opened the curtains, letting the sun shine into the room. It was a gorgeous, clear Acadiana day. I turned on the Praise Music and welcomed our family into the room. Our beloved doctor, Dr. DeAlvare, walked in and smiled at all of us. He gave us the news that we would start at about 11:30am and in his words, “Kevin, you will be home by noon.” It was on….
     We all gathered, family, friends, church family and prayed together, laughed and smiled as we watched him say his farewells. I can’t tell you what was said, or what songs we sang, but I will tell you that it was the most perfect moment of my life. We prayed, and then it would get quiet, someone sang, then we would get quiet. Someone would pray, it would get quiet and out of the quiet, a voice sang a most precious song. Our sweet Alexis Rice sang goodbye to her buddy. I remember thinking, my baby is singing. It didn’t take long. And by 12:15pm, my sweetie flew into the arms of Jesus. He beat ALS. He won the victory and did it with grace and joy and confidence.
     It is finished. I watched everyone say goodbye and leave the room. In the end, it was me and his mom. How precious for her. She was there in the beginning and she was there at the end. First breath and last breath. She knew, as Mary did, how precious to see your firstborn complete their mission on this earth. I believe in that moment, she was the most blessed woman on the planet. And I was so glad she was with me in that quiet room, just looking at him and being thankful that he loved us. She was never more beautiful to me than at that moment.
     Now we move on. Now the life he lived is over, but the life he planned and hoped for me begins. Without him.

Look for the next part…the silliness of Kevin is exposed….

Oscar & Maria

I am in awe of what GOD has done in my life lately. “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart imagined, what GOD has prepared for those who love Him” truly has become my life. Let me tell you about it…..

     On March 11, 2013, I watched the love of my life walk through those Gates into Paradise after a 3 ½ year fight with ALS. This truly was the most precious moment of my life and watching him WIN this fight was as perfect a moment as we will ever get here on earth. I will talk more about that in another post.

    In April, our Arise Ladies Conference was happening, and truthfully I had no intentions of going. I was tired and didn’t really want to be around people. I feared that the Lovely Ladies of our church would want to love on me instead of receiving the grace of love themselves, also I really didn’t feel like I could cope with their grief on top of mine…I know, selfish, right??? But as usual, my Life Group Leader Mary Coffelt, bullied and prodded me into going. She called me and said “I bought your ticket!” WHAT???!!! I did NOT want to go, and didn’t want to commit to going…Oh, Lord, what a whiner!

    SO, I go. What a blessing. It was awesome. I had a blast. I knew that on Saturday I would be racing all over South Louisiana to accomplish what I HAD PLANNED, however, my family and my life group conspired to keep me in Acadiana for the day. My sister in love, Kieran, decided to come spend the weekend with me, claiming she needed a break and wanted to come visit at my house. OK!! She could come with me to the Last Night of Conference which is always a great night of blessing the women of our church. Last year, a woman in our life group got a car….this was going to be awesome.

    I had already planned and coordinated giving Kevin’s Power Wheelchair and our Handicap Accessible van to a man in our church who suddenly needed it. It was a gift to us, Kevin had no need of it and I couldn’t imagine keeping them. Upon arriving at the conference, Pastor Rob Longmire told me they were going to present the van to the wife of the gentleman in need on stage. They wanted me to sit in the front so they could acknowledge my gift….whatever. I could have stayed in the back and been just as happy, but ok, I’ll take the second row…WOO HOO!!! Yeah, and by the way, your life group is going to sit with you too….EVEN BETTER!!!

     Ok, So I cried like a baby when Mitzi got her blessing. Being a part of that and knowing how blessed she was must be how GOD feels when HE blesses us with surprises. I knew Kevin was smiling and GOD was pleased at all of our efforts to help this family. I am still in awe and honored to be used by GOD to make this happen. I enjoyed her surprise and couldn’t wait to hug her after. All too quickly she was ushered off the stage and the last thing I remember anyone saying was “Now, let us introduce our next recipient”…..

     WHAT??? I look up and my daughter’s face is on the big screen, talking…I swear all I could hear was buzzing….it was like Charlie Brown’s teacher…waa waa waa…..Then Nolan was on the screen…then my Life Group….it’s all a blur. I am sure Kevin was laughing at me. It seems that some CRAZY PERSON believes that I am a WOMAN OF COURAGE…I don’t feel courageous. I just was taking care of my boyfriend, husband and love of my life, nothing courageous about that. So yeah, ok…blur continues….I was blessed with a day at the SPA. I remember looking up and seeing Ryan and Brigid on the stage with me….how did they get there???  And then, Miss Michelle gave me a box. I was afraid that they had taken Kevin’s rings and did something with them. Surely, they did not. Oh no, they didn’t. It was a key… a key to a car….Oh boy….Yep, my church family and the Arise Foundation gave me a new car…well, new to me.  A Silver Ford Edge. Big enough to drive my grandbabies around in. I am amazed…and no indeed, I could never have imagined  this is what GOD prepared for me because I love HIM. But there it is, in all its glory. Complete with a BIG RED BOW on it.

          AND I SHALL CALL HIM OSCar….he is my OSC car. I love him. He is wonderful and beautiful and perfect for me. We go all over the place. Oh, my OSCar is awesome. Not long ago, Ryan fixed the Bluetooth and I was introduced to Maria. I think she is OSCar’s wife. She lives with him. She speaks to me. She says “ Phone call from Kieran GInesi.” And “Message from 95601020”. They are my driving companions. I am never alone in the car. They keep me company. Yes, it’s silly and ridiculous….but if you know me….enough said.

 

                                         

      So, that is the story of OSCar and Maria. I am eternally thankful to GOD who thinks I am courageous and worthy of this blessing. And to the ARISE FOUNDATION, Miss Michelle Aranza and Miss Heidi Reiszner. I can never thank you enough for the blessing you have given to me. I am so in awe of what you have done for me and all the ladies of Acadiana. I love you both so much! To Don Mendoza with Don's Wholesale, you really are a blessing to our church and to me. Thank you.

 

     Now, I cannot wait for Arise 2014....

Do you Trust ME??? Pt. 1

And he is gone. Flew away HOME. The most precious moment of my life. Heaven's gate opened and welcomed my love.

And now GOD is yet asking me "Do you trust me?" and truthfully I can say "Yes, completely, wholeheartedly and without question!" Over the past 3 years He has proven to be trustworthy and faithful. When I doubt, and I do, He shows up. BIG TIME. EVERY TIME. ON TIME!!!

He calmed my fears. Every day I woke up fearful. Fearful Kevin wouldn't be breathing. Fearful I wasn't strong enough for this. Fearful that something would happen to me and then what would happen to Kevin. Fear is a constant companion for caregivers. My companion woke up with me and would run quickly when GOD said " You have not been given a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind." (Now many will debate the sound mind, but that is another discussion for another day.)

Tired became my new mantra. Nobody sleeps in the Connell Household. But when tired took over, God strengthened me by reminding me "Do not be weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap, if we faint not" (We will discuss the reaping another day.)

Loneliness came to visit every once in a while, usually when I was exhausted and afraid. It is possible to be lonely in a room full of people. Mourning the active life we had before ALS invaded, I found loneliness was not the most welcome visitor to my house. On the days when Loneliness came, GOD made sure I remembered that Job's friends were not mine. Our family and friends would show up and usher out the lonely feelings with their loving kindness. " A man who has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." We have many friends who have become family!

We do have an enemy and we can fight him with our own strength or borrow GOD's. I am a great borrower. But I am a better fighter. I am strong and confident in who I am and Whose I am. Always have been. But the moral of the story is that every strong confident person has moments when they are weak and unsure. It is during those moments that we need even MORE of HIM. Turning to my Father is natural and easy, as it should be. I trust He will be there. I trust HIM.